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| Leaving the shire. |
There are probably a lot of people who think my engagement is great but also in the back of their minds do a little dog-head-tilt and say, "hmmm." I can understand this, I was one of them and I can still stereotype a bit in my thinking when I see a guy in an Asian nation getting a bride. Many dismayed thoughts probably occur - she likes his money, how young is she, is their love true or is this a mail order bride sort of deal. Or maybe some that are a little more mild - how do they communicate, are they really good for each other, who is going to make the sacrifice and not live in their home nation and how will that go. The two of us have walked a rough road fighting some battles that stemmed from some of these ideas. Neither of us clearly fall into any of these categories or specific ways of thinking but the stigmas are there and influence you on some level. And even if they don't, the simple fact that we come from such different worlds culturally created some bumps, or even potholes to better describe them, in our road we traveled. It has been rough and sometimes unpleasant but after a big fight we would both look back and try and find the real root and there was always a common theme. There was never anything truly mailicious or unsettling, it usually began from a misunderstanding. There were/are many misunderstandings and there will be more due to mostly a language barrier. I don't speak fluent Thai and she doesn't speak fluent English. If you have hung out with the two of us together you might be worried because it seems we don't communicate well. It used to bother me too, and sometimes still does, but we have learned to communicate much better as the two of us learn more about our languages and each other in general. A lot of communicating can be unspoken We started to build off of these battles and became closer because of them. Over time we fought less and built more.
In the last 4 months or so we became closer and closer, had some amazing weekend getaways with some good conversation and the thought of marriage became more of a possibility to me. It always was for her, from the very beginning she said she would marry me. This was nerve racking in the beginning, I felt it was too early for that talk, but it also gave me confidence. Then there was a conversation that summed up a theme. One night I confided in her that as we became closer I was also scared I couldn't give her all the things she wanted. That even if we did have kids maybe I wouldn't be able to help her in a way that another man could. Perhaps I couldn't hold them, I couldn't drive our family to the beach, etc. She looked at me and said I make her nervous and scared too. I hung my head. Then she told me the rest. She said she only becomes nervous and scared when I think of these things. She said they had never even occurred to her before I brought them up and that she is with me because I am a strong intelligent person. My whole life I have always wanted to be treated like a normal person, to not be seen as someone different or in need of aid. Those words will always stick with me and they've changed the way I think about myself. They told me to stand taller because the only time people lose confidence in me (especially the one most important to me) is when I lose it for myself.
The When
Everyone wants to know the story of how I proposed. There isn't really anything too exciting here to tell. I didn't put it up on the jumbo tron, I didn't wait until Jaws popped out of the water, I didn't have candles or roses, and I didn't make it public. In a lot of ways it was similar to the night I decided to marry her. We were at my Mom's house in Greymouth New Zealand and we were having a good conversation about how much we'd grown, how happy it makes her, and how our future only holds more of these. I told her I had to pee (romantic notions galore, eh) and left her watching the sunset on the coast. I had hid the ring a little too deep in my bag and by the time I found it she had come inside because it was cold. In hindsight I should have dragged her freezing butt back out there. The next night it was the two of us talking about quite the opposite. I think after meeting my family and friends and seeing more of the realness of all this she began to think about more of the serious things too and not just the fun holidays. She started talking about kids, bills, loans, work, etc. and it was all worrying her because she thought it could all change. I said we should keep one thing the same and asked her if she truly did want to be with me forever. She said yes. I turned to grab the ring out of my bag and she said "port shee" which translates to "I have to pee." Son of a bitch, urine is going to ruin this damn thing! She came back shortly and I was ready this time.
There and Back Again
Our time getting to New Zealand was a nightmare, I won't tell the awful story of more than 50 hours of travel, however I will say I will never fly with Air Asia again unless I absolutely have to. They were no help. Our time in New Zealand was incredible. Upon arriving I told Derek, "this is the first time I've ever set foot in the southern hemisphere." He replied with, "Every step we take from here on out will be the furthest we've ever been from the shire." Fish and chips, craft beer, amazing treks, beautiful scenery on every leg of our many road trips, .. I could go on and on. However, spending some time with family and friends (oh and my fiancé too) was the best part. They made the trip.
Derek, that pub we're looking for, is it called Mt. Doom like in the movie? "No Josh, the pub they were supposed to meet Gandalf in was the Prancing Pony, Mt. Doom is in Mordor." Right, right. From Derek's constant Lord of the Rings references to Conor teasing Marisa about how we can find her some more bread if she likes (Marisa said she was tired of bread, which is somewhat analogous to my Aunt telling me she was tired of rice in Thailand. I had to explain to her that bread is usually a part of most meals.), the New Zealand trip was incredible. I saw one of the biggest beaches with black sand I've ever seen. Derek had me convinced for a bit that lambs and sheep are different species. Conor bear-hugged me, even with his broken foot, after we swam in freezing water. My parents designed an unforgettable road trip that spoiled our eyes with views and our stomachs with cuisine. Oh right, I said I could go on and on...and then I did. Oh, one last thing. Their beers come in about 18.5 ounce (575ml) pours which I guess is standard in the UK and Commonwealth nations. "They come in pints! I'm getting one."
Notables
1) The locals in a small town told us to dig down on a certain beach at low tide and we could essentially make a small hot pool for us to sit in. There is a lot of geothermic activity in New Zealand that makes this possible. We dug and dug and we're still not sure if we're being laughed at by all the small town folks. Perhaps we are another notch on a board full of gullible foreigners.2) The night before we left I saw what looked like a bunch of spoiled rich kids playing loud music and drinking on a boat parked in the harbor in Auckland. We passed them and I took a look back to see a couple of police officers not far behind us. The two in uniform walked by too but then one of the kids stopped them and said, "excuse me, officers. Is the music alright? We can turn it down a bit if you like." I thought this was a nice piece of punctuation on a friendly, very community based, people that we encountered our whole time in New Zealand.
Thanks for reading friends, hope to see you soon. Thanks also to Derek for all the great photos.
