Carry the One

I had some pretty bad days when I first began my teaching position here in Chanthaburi.  They were usually near the beginning of the week so I assumed it was a cross-cultural, Monday Blues, type of thing.  I was so nervous and wanted to do well in my new role but constantly felt like I must be messing it up.  Not knowing the idiosyncrasies of a new culture and knowing I was making routine mistakes in that way bled into me feeling I must be making errors on a professional level as well.  I've mentioned this before but I receive zero feedback so it was hard to take any kudos from that aspect or know where I was excelling.  ... but I get zero negative feedback as well, and that's where I had to do the math.  (The more I travel, the more this crazy piece of manila card stock comes in handy).

On bad days when my self esteem had taken some blows I still had no feedback, so therefore the blows were dealt by me.  I would assume that some inflection of voice, in a language I don't know how to speak mind you, meant they were too nice to say it but Teacher Josh didn't control his class so well in the last lesson.  If I didn't get a "Goodbye Teacher" from my students or my teaching assistant, I took that as a sign of someone not necessarily enjoying my placement at the school.  Sometimes you can't put the assumptions into words but let's say I made similar miscues and perhaps I was right, mmm, let's say one out of five times.  This means I treated myself five times as poorly as anyone else did.  And say during a particular bad day I assume twice as often; this means I am ten times more self-defeating on the inside than anyone on the outside.  On turbulent days you've got to carry the one that needs it most.  The math just isn't there and even if I'm not going to be one of those people that looks up some motivational quotes and tells myself to get back on track, I'm going to stop aiming the pistol down at my peds.

About two weeks ago I began to assume the best.  If I don't get any feedback that is because I am a damn great teacher.  It feels like I'm often being a bit too overconfident and self appreciative but it sure as hell beats the alternative.  I've noticed a change in the students, the teachers, and my demeanor in front of my class and I'm riding this out as long as I can.






**Noteworthy Notables**

- I ride on the back of a motor bike everyday to and from school.  One, thanks for always driving Darcy.  Two, I'm sorry that every time I've felt something similar between my legs (insert any and all jokes here please) it's been a jet-ski and some asshole has been trying to throw me off the back.  I am a whole lot more comfortable back there now but I spooned you so much in the beginning we should name our ride The Silverware Drawer.

- We've been told that the majority of police speak very little English so your chances of getting stopped are slim.  However, on our way back into town from Cambodia we were stuck in traffic and some guy drove by on his bike and handed a traffic officer a box of Oreos.  The man in uniform screamed, "Thank you!" with great pronunciation and our teacher driving us exclaimed, "You're welcome!" randomly and started laughing.  The whole car roared and that scene was something you can't make up.

- I went to an island a week or two ago for my roommate's birthday.  This is my favorite picture I took.

And this is the girls invited behind the bar.  They even tried to take a few orders which was hilarious to watch, but really they simply lit the bar on fire every time they got bored.