Let it Pour

My mind has been a messy, tired room today with lots coming at me from different angles, and now it's pouring torrential rain outside instead of in.  The chaos of a campfire, the unpredictability of staring at beach waves, the visual calm of watching blankets of windless snow - all in aural form now that the sun's gone down.  I've always loved the rain and we've just begun monsoon season.

My last job back home left me with a similar predicament as here - I have absolutely no feedback, from anyone.  I suppose the second day I was told I need to be louder and control my class.  So now I shout and hit them repeatedly...daily.  Only kidding, I love my students, they're amazing.  I have spoken up though and have come up with a "life" system where if they lose all their lives we keep learning on Friday instead of watching a movie during our free hour.  This week's is The Bee Movie since we're learning plant reproduction (pollination, etc.) and they better not mess this one up!

The absence of feedback has two sides of the coin.  On the one side, you're not being micromanaged and no one is looking over your shoulder constantly, commenting on every little mistake. On the other, you're never told what you're doing is correct.  Some people thrive off of praise.  I wouldn't say I thrive, but a little pat on the back every now and again would encourage me to explore a particular tactic further or at the very least, make me smile.  Also, when you're new, when you don't speak the language, and when you feel as if you may be stepping on toes half the time anyway, nothing said can lead to the insecure notion that maybe you are messing it up royally and everyone is being way too nice about it.  Reprimand me dammit!

When I was in fits, tired as all hell, (my roommate even walked up after class, looked me straight in the eye and said, "geeze Josh, you look tired") and ready to hermit away for a while I saw this when I got home.

My previous boss (yep, the one I've been ripping on a bit) gave me this slip of paper one day.  It wasn't directed at me and was part of a bigger joke, but I needed it that day regardless and knew I'd need it again so it lives on my journal.  Del, if you're reading this, that little note was not the only thing I kept.  One of my mantras is still, "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission."  This was very true at the Colorado State University and is true here too.

My students are learning and laughing, I am having fun, and I need to keep my eyes on the bigger picture when one day of many makes me feel like an ineffective teacher,


I'm still visiting temples, laughing at the clash of cultures and our attempts at communication, drinking beers in Bangkok in the pissing rain, watching Chelsea play the Thai All-Stars, admiring sunsets, and exploring my new home.  Let the white noise fall from the sky and quiet the irrational.

She tried to make us stop taking pictures but she
posed for every one of them

Bangkok skyline behind the stadium.

Mango sticky rice, stir fry spaghetti with unroasted peppercorns, and something on a clam shell.  I can't even count how many times I hear the conversation among my roommates -

"What is that?"

"Uh, not really sure, but I think part of it is...  Want to try some?"

"Yeah, I do."

**Noteworthy Notables**

1)  People who have little learn to live with a lot, and those who have a lot learn to live with little.

2) There's been an ongoing conversation about what we all miss from home.  I really can't come up with much.  I'm American so we don't really have our own food, besides a beef burger which I do miss.  I don't miss my bed, a warm shower, driving on the right side of the road - but what I really do miss is sitting with my friends/family and a cold one and BSing about absolutely nothing.  I must say, that part has made some homesickness settle in.

3) Emma, I really enjoy this photo.  There is so much going on around you and you're off at the bar pounding a Breezer by yourself giving two shits.